ebb and flow and the deepening of roots

as I stand on the shore of change
I feel the ebb and flow
of the tides
the energy of
the ocean
moving towards me
life
beauty
laughter
washing over me
and then
I feel the sand sinking
beneath
my feet
the sucking of life
pulling away from me
as the water retreats
and I am left
barren
on the shore
in pools of grief
letting go of what was familiar to me
and present to my unknown future
and I am reminded
of a time past
when I saw myself as a tree
and the beautiful gardener came
to me
with tender eyes
but an axe
in his hand
and he chopped
all my branches off
til I was only a stump
I was a stump for a long time
what was important on the outside
needed to be pruned
away
and little did I know
that roots needed time
to grow
deep down into the earth
so that my tree
could come
back to life.
And I was very surprised
one day
when I realized
I was growing again
new life
coming back
new branches being formed
and the tree was more solid than it had ever been
and the roots have continued to grow
and there has been
an
ebb and flow to my tree
times of growth,
times of deepening
times of fruit bearing
and times of letting the leaves fall

And now I must trust
these deep roots
that they are even deeper
than the ebb and flow
of the ocean waters
of life
that come close to me now

My humanity
longs for certainty
for predictability
for normalcy

My prayer for this season
is that my heart can stay open
to trusting
to loving
to resting
to being
in the midst of the ebb and flow
of my heart

and that I may embrace the moments that are full and wash over me with abundance
and that I may let the tears flow when the tides of emptiness and longing pull the waters
back again into the wide ocean

knowing that my roots are tapped into
streams of living water
and I will live.