our story

how we tell our story shapes us
how we speak our reality defines us

we all live a story and are part
of a great story, a great adventure

i have been learning a lot
about what I tell myself
and what I tell others
what is my truth, my story?

I may say:
I am alone
I am frightened of my future
I am overwhelmed with financial burdens
I am living with lost dreams

and it is true

or I may say:
I am surrounded with loving friendships
I am awake to hope for my future
I have much and am able to be a blessing to others
I am living with new dreams and possibilities

and it is true

when I live out of the first one - I live out of my poverty.  I want to hoard my possessions and move to self-pity.  Fear engulfs me and anxiety paralyzes me.

when I live out of the second one - I realize a sense of adventure.  I awaken to all that I have been given and I can choose to share. With surprise I receive the joy of giving.  Invitations for living and sharing multiply and my 'two loaves and five fish' that I yield to the Source of Life not only feed me but so many around me.  And I awaken to the joy of living in abundance.  Sharing with all my heart what I have been given - knowing that I am being taken care of.  And the mystery of community, intimacy, nurture, dreams and living with purpose and meaning become a daily reality.

It is true - there is more than enough
I am rich with companionship, love, friendship and community.
And I give thanks.

my real appointment today.....thank you

Today there was a moment
that surprised me
unexpected encounter
pause
breathe
be aware
be awake
give thanks

I was in a new doctor's office
and waiting for my name to be called
an elderly woman sat two chairs over
and started to talk

elderly woman:  have you been here before? this is my first time
me: (I don't feel like chatting....)  yes, my first time

elderly woman:  I think it feels nice in here
me: mmmm ( remember I don't feel like chatting)

elderly woman:  I think the staff here are very pleasant
me:  hmmm hmmm

elderly woman: I'm learning to live alone
pause
I soak in her words.....'I'm learning to live alone'

I have a moment inside of me where I transition from....'please stop talking to me' to - 'Cathy, wake up.....be awake, be aware'..... and I feel a shiver go through my body -

I turn and gaze into this face beside me......

me:  what happened?
elderly woman:  my husband died 2 years ago.  We were married 52 years.  I'm alone now.

me:  Did you have any children?
elderly woman - pain shooting across her face: yes, I had five sons.  They all died.
me: gasp
elderly woman:  yes, 2 died in car accidents, one died in a boating accident and 2 died of muscular dystrophy.

elderly woman - with a loving look in her face:  are you married?
me:  I'm alone too.  I'm learning to live alone for the first time. My marriage has ended.
elderly woman:  sometimes things need to end.  sometimes it is better.
me:  silence.....deeply listening

elderly woman:  you know, I could give up on life.  I know a woman, she gave up.  She couldn't face being alone and so she just sat in her rocking chair every day.  Now she is in the psyche ward.  I get afraid too, afraid of being old by myself.  But I choose to get involved.  I'm going to Uganda next week to volunteer! And I volunteer in the community. I've started having 'girls nights' with my friends!  Even though I don't understand all of life, I believe in eternity and everything will be OK.  I know that God is with me, even when I don't understand all the loss.

As she tells me this, I am gazing into her face.  Her eyes become sparkly and bright and she speaks with a 'knowing'.  She is radiant with beauty through her wrinkles and white hair.

I reach into my purse.
I take out a 'Love Shines' CD.

me:  I'm a musician - I want to share this with you.  Thank you for talking to me.

I take her hand.

me: I'm Cathy
elderly woman:  I'm Erna

Reception desk:  Cathy, time for your appointment.

me:  I believe I just had my appointment.

what is love?

Today I met with someone and they asked me this question, 'what is love'?
It is one of those questions where the answer seems so obvious but also so intangible.
Silence
What is Love?
I have no earthly idea!
But after some mulling - these are some of the ideas I expressed .......


'if you want to know how I have known love
all I can speak of is my human experience,
which is limited
by my own shortcomings.
I have longings and desires around love
but I have an inability to know
what the word
'unconditional'
means.
I think I might love someone,
but it is warped by my faults and my imperfections.
I think someone might love me,
but it is marred by my needs and desires.
Is this love?
It feels like more of an attempt at the
pureness of what love
at it's essence truly is......
however....
perhaps I can say
that there are moments where I have tapped
into tasting of a
Divine Love.
This Love is
pure energy;
it is radiant,
without limits,
and is full of joy.
This Love is vibrant,
exuberant and
wild.
This Love holds no shame
nor does it condemn.
This Love is freeing,
life-giving and liberating.
This Love calls out one's true essence
and celebrates all life.
If I could live out of this energy,
I would be on fire!
But I forget sometimes
the beauty
of what I have tasted here
and fall back to my human tendencies.
I long to live more fully
out of this Love
to tap into the
Source of Life
which is deeper
than my humanity
so that I can express
in a small way
the wonder
the magnificence
that pure joy
of this Presence of Love'

transformation

I breathe in the sky

I breathe out

I breathe in the light

I breathe out

I breathe in the trees

I breathe out

I breathe in the field

I breathe out

I breathe in the rocky cliff

I breathe out

I breathe in the river flow

I breathe out

I breathe in LIFE

I breathe out transformation

I breathe in eagles wings

I breathe out

I breathe in the rain

I breathe out

I breathe in the wind

I breathe out

I breathe in stardust

I breathe out

I breathe in the curve of the moon

I breathe out

I breathe in sunlight

I breathe out

I breathe in LIFE

I breathe out transformation

©Dec 2011 Cathy AJ Hardy

I'm Alive

this is a painting I did in 2003

(making large card-sized prints if you are interested in having a copy- thanks 

Craig Noa for helping me with this!)

freedom

This past weekend I've been thinking a lot about the word freedom.

In the most recent home concert where Boris Sichon & I performed, we sang for the first time an old Yiddish song called Dona Dona.  This song was made famous by Joan Baez in the 1970's.  

Dona dona

(BY THE WAY - if you would like to host a house concert or are interested in coming to one - please contact me for more info)

Dona dona was a song that went through the Warsaw ghetto during WWII and became symbolic of the journey of freedom for the Jewish community.

Singing this song on January 7th was a powerful experience - a way to connect with the past, a way to sing about the present and also a vision for the future.  We all long for freedom and it isn't always easily attained.  There are many things that hold us back from living authentically, whether we have physical chains around us or invisible ones in our minds.

In 2012 I want to sing about freedom.  

This weekend as I was thinking about the theme of freedom, a friend sent me this cartoon - which is called freedom.

It is by David Hayward 

I love this picture - it says a lot to me!  About taking huge risks and stepping out of the norm!!   

Cheers to freedom in 2012!!  

.

begin again

Begin

Again

Fresh

New

Light

Open

Doors

Winged

Opportunities

Fly

High  

Soar

Free

Eyes

Clear

Heart

Clean

Hands

Lifted

Ears

Listening

Spirit

Aware

Awake

Alive

Alert

Attentive

Meeting

Possibilities

Welcoming

Surprises

Awaiting

Goodness

Beauty

Surrounds

Beauty

Unfolds

Breathing

Deeply

Breathing

Fully

Breathing

Consciously

I

AM

Here

I

Embrace

What

Love

Brings

Yes

To

Goodness

Fruitfulness

Well-being

Peace

Wisdom

Provision

Protection

Fulfillment

Love

Love

Between me

And you

Love

Between me

And all

I touch

See

Know

Love

The centre

Of my

Being

Love

January 1st, 2012

Words to live into...

I have let go of New Year's resolutions

and in the past decade

have found a new way 

of entering into the New Year

I listen for a word

one word or simple phrase

and that word or simple phrase

becomes an inspiration 

for my whole year

these words haven't all been easy

but they have stretched me

and called me

and taught me

One year was the word 

wait

One year was the word

courage

One year was the word

joy

Instead of feeing burdened by

a list of resolutions

I feel inspired and called on

a treasure hunt

of learning

The word for 2011 stayed at the top of my journal

every day

through good days and bad

and it called to me

I learned so much

and am still learning

I have a new word for 

2012

Maybe I'll write about it

in 2013

but for now,

I have a lot of learning to do

2012

here I come