Monday, July 30, 2012

a hidden wholeness

This summer has been a rich time -  a time of friendship, beauty, rest and continued soul healing.
I've been doing some soul work on unconscious beliefs that I carry - that many of us carry - and been surprised at what I've uncovered.  Stuff I thought I had already figured out - but there are more layers to freedom it seems.  And soul freedom is what I'm singing about these days.
We've all heard the idea of how we sabotage our own success at times - and I'm realizing it is what happens when our internal beliefs are at odds with each other.....for example
I have a dream to do such and odds are really full of yourself to have such a dream
and so a stalemate emerges....and the dream is aborted.
One belief that has really surprised me has been a basic belief of unworthiness.
'I am not worthy'....
   not worthy of a whole list of things.....including happiness

Why do we carry such garbage around in our hearts?
One concept that has become clear to me that the type of Christianity that we in the west have known has come out of pietistic background - where love of body, beauty, pleasure of any kind was seen as evil.  To love God meant to love self-abasement and denial of any sense of pleasure.
Therefore if I am happy - then I am probably not loving God, right????
I am probably being 'selfish' and against God???

Could it  be that these ideas are a little screwed up?

And I've realized it's not just me - but many of us are carrying these subtle but powerful beliefs - that keep us from shining to the fullness of which we have been created.
And then,  just yesterday I saw on Facebook:
'thank you Jesus for saving me.  Without Jesus I am WORTHLESS.'

wow - there it is - right in the open....a belief stated about being worthless
I have to express - I don't think that is the heart of the gospel

How does one sift through a pious Christian upbringing and hang on to the concept of grace & forgiveness and new beginnings - and shed the web of sticky beliefs that are so detrimental to being full of the light and life of Love itself?

In the Celtic tradition, there is a way of seeing the human being as whole from the beginning  - and that we carry perhaps a 'hidden wholeness' as Parker Palmer expresses.  Yes, we all know brokenness and are all deeply aware of our humanity, but underneath our brokenness, is the wonder of our souls.  I believe that Jesus was returning people to that knowing and returning them to a sense of their true value and worth - not declaring them WORTHLESS without HIM. 

 We are ALL worthy of Divine Love. 

once we taste the mystery of this, the magic of this - it pours out and we want to pass it on.  This is where grace lives. This is where joy is tasted.  This is where beauty begins.

To a friend today that is overwhelmed with life circumstances - and this may be for you, the reader,  too - here are the words I want to say:

Sending you love
And tender arms
I know it is a painful time and there is a great sense of judgement you are carrying about yourself.
No words from any person can easily lift this from you.
But I want to speak truth to you in the midst of this.
You are worthy of great love
You are worthy of knowing compassion
You are worthy to be called by name – beautiful human being that you are
Your soul holds a wholeness that is perfect – beyond all the brokenness
Nothing you could have done or not done will ever change this beauty in you
You are precious
You are loved

Monday, July 09, 2012

Patch by Patch

patch by patch  - on Pender Island

enjoying the beauty 
Pender Island

leading others in retreat
and leading myself
into a rhythm
of rest
it is a privilege to listen to others
and the beauty that emerges from people's souls
when they have been given 
and safety.
I would like to share a poem that was shared yesterday
by a young man on retreat here
His name is Adam Roper and he gave me permission to share this
work of art:

How do you heal from hurt
that isn't finished yet?
working its wry little magic,
you let it unravel
string by string
and sew it
patch by patch
until you 
have a story
to wear
as a precious garment
by spring
you'll know

another friend recently 
spoke with me 
about the ebb and flow 
of our healing
there is a myth
we tend to believe...
when I get better
when I am whole
when I am strong
when I am not a mess
then.....I can contribute
then.....I will be loved
then.....I can heal others
then....everything will be better

what I am learning
is that life is circular
in an ever widening spiral
of healing
and this poem 
so eloquently 
expresses this complexity
of the unravelling
I must allow
and the sewing back together
that is a mystery and a gift
to view life as a beautiful tapestry
of all the pieces