the gift that someone gave to me.....

13 years ago was a time when I hit rock bottom.
I was really quite desperate for help and someone encouraged me to find a spiritual director.
I didn't even know what that meant at the time, but I started asking around and one day someone actually knew what that term was and handed me a business card of a woman named Joy.
Joy agreed to meet with me and my life was forever changed.
Joy had an incredible gift of listening.  There was nothing too shocking or overwhelming for her to absorb. She just was incredibly attentive and showed deep respect for my humanity and the story that I found myself in.
One of the most profound gifts Joy gave me was that she never once felt sorry for me.
Even though I was a mess and crying at almost every session, she never pitied me or coddled me.
Because she never allowed herself to feel sorry for me, there came an invitation for me to also not feel sorry for myself and to see the choices that were in front of me to make.
she allowed me to have dignity and self-respect and personal value.
She never rushed with answers or problem solving, but would linger in silence to listen for the story underneath the story.
She'd often respond with a question rather than an answer after a period of utter stillness.
I learned so much wisdom from Joy.  She became a mentor to me in my soul journey.
13 years later I still correspond with Joy and she is as dear to me as ever.
One of the practical gifts she gave me was to pay my way for a 3 day Silent Retreat.  I would never have chosen to do this on my own, but as it was fully paid for and I needed to get away, I went.
That silent retreat changed my life.  It became an anchor, an oasis, the beginning of an inner root system that has shaped this past decade of my life.
Now I lead retreats like this because of what Joy did for me.  There is one coming up in November for women.  If you are interested in coming or would like to sponsor someone else to go - a life could be changed, as mine was.
In our fast paced lives it is a great challenge to value stillness and silence.  But this is where our souls sing.  This is where we find ourselves again and out of the fullness of this silence, we can jump back into our lives with a deeper energy and sense of purpose than we ever had before.
Here is the link to the Mark Centre if you want more info:

November Retreat - Mark Centre

labyrinth

this picture was taken by Christina from one of our retreats on Pender.......


I love the labyrinth.
I walked for the first time in Atlanta, Georgia.  I thought it was rather strange and simple - and wondered what the big deal was when I heard people talk about it.
And then I walked.
The labyrinth is like a metaphor for life.  It is a journey into the centre and then back out again.  When you begin the walk, you assume you will go directly to the centre....and somehow you end up circling close to the centre - but you can't get in.  You have to keep following the path as it loops to the outer edges before coming back into the very centre at the end.
and then you follow this same journey back out again.
It never fails to speak to me and teach me something new.
I learned how to draw a 7 circuit labyrinth in the sand on the beaches of Florida while I visited my friend Christina Kautz.  I now can use chalk and create a labyrinth anywhere I find a smooth area of pavement.
We used this labyrinth for the retreats at Pender and it was a powerful experience for many.
The highlight for me was walking it at night by candlelight with a group of women together....all of us on our journeys - alone and yet together.
A new Christina in my life took this picture of me at the centre of the labyrinth....a place I love to create for others and a place I love to come to myself.

roots.....

roots......
roots.........

pender island......summer silent retreat

today on our retreat I am inviting people to consider the state of their roots.
If you were a tree - what kind of a tree would you see yourself to be?
what is the state of your roots?
In our lives, we focus so much on our exterior selves - our accomplishments, our appearances, our outer success.....what is visible to the community.
Most of us rarely focus and spent quality time nurturing our interior lives....our roots.
silence is a way to bring us
in and down
down to the places
where
pain sits
and
dreams lie dormant
We are afraid of our pain
We are afraid of our dreams
In silence
there is an opportunity to face
our pain
and realize there is something deeper
underneath the pain
there is life
and love
and hope
and healing......
we can also begin to listen to our dreams
the dreams placed in us at the beginning of our creation
dreams that we are meant to live out
and not be ashamed of
but our pain needs to be healed
and our dreams need to be nurtured

even though you are not on retreat with us - you can join us in this way!
Take time for yourself today.......
If you can take a bit of time for silence and be aware of the state of your heart
Take time to listen to your dormant dreams
and dare to let your imagination fly

eagles

eagles.....

eagles have become a gift in my life - an unexpected connection with nature.

It was last summer that I took the zip-line at Whistler called the 'eagle'.  I had to step off a 20 story mountain edge into sheer nothingness.....talk about fear.  It was up to my throat.  I faced my fear and stepped anyways.  That moment became a symbol for me every time I was afraid as I went into the Love Shines recording project. There were so many fears to overcome - but I kept remembering my 'eagle' moment and would keep jumping into new territory even though I was still afraid.  Fear doesn't seem to leave - you just learn to not let it make the decisions for you - you jump and the fear flies with you .....you look at each other and laugh.   Maybe fear is just a jester - seeing what kind of people we really are.  will we settle or will we take courage and leap?
Well, on Friday, my old friend fear came back and visited me on Pender Island.  I received a notice about something that sent my heart spinning with anxiety.  Panic was close on the heels of fear - I guess they are good friends!  At that moment, my Ethiopian friend called me to the deck where you see me standing here.  There were two eagles flying in clockwise formation.  Somehow watching these two eagles was comforting to me in a way that I could not explain.  We watched together from this beautiful deck at Pender and allowed the beauty of nature to fill us.
About an hour later the rest of the women coming on retreat showed up.  One was a beautiful woman from a First Nations background.  I told her we had just seen eagles.  Immediately without knowing what had happened, she told me ' do you know, when eagles fly in clockwise formation, they are letting you know that everything will be OK.'
It was one of those 'ahh' moments.......where nature, people, and God all seem to collide together to bring a message of hope.

wow - and thank you is what my heart says in return.

freedom of solitude

Pender Island
July 2011

I am here - on beautiful Pender Island
I am involved in leading two retreats through the Mark Centre - the first retreat being 3 days of mixed silence & community and the second being 5 days of silence.
It is an interesting part of my life - bringing people into a journey of silence, slowing down and contemplation.
I would not be so passionate about it - except knowing that this kind of thing helped saved my life when I was at rock bottom.
It was only through entering the deep silence that I rediscovered my own voice, my soul and my intrinsic value as a human being.  It was through the gift of silence that I discovered I was loved - even with doing anything - just 'being'.
Many of us yearn for deeper relationships, authentic friendships and meaningful community.  Perhaps for this to happen in our lives, we need to take time apart and really know ourselves, so that as we offer ourselves to each other - we can offer the depths that we ourselves long for in relationships.
Today I found a quote by Julia Cameron - author of 'The Artist's Way'.....
'Until we experience the freedom of solitude,
we cannot connect authentically.'

Many of us are afraid of solitude ...we feel solitude equals loneliness.  Perhaps freedom in solitude means that we have found interior freedom - we do not need the approval of others to bring us a good day - we are at rest with our souls.  If we are not at rest with our souls - no one can fix that for us.....except us.  There is no one left to blame in solitude.  We are with ourselves and must face what that means.

It is always amazing for me to observe the courage that people have to come on these retreats and to face the solitude even if they are afraid of it.  It is also amazing to see the beauty emerge as people move past fears and find themselves again.  The rich sense of community among 'strangers' is profound as we all travel to deep places and then bring that gift to each other.

I am missing my loved ones at home.....but will continue drinking in the beauty of these days before me at Pender.

retreat anyone?

Retreat anyone?  Do you need time to nurture your heart and soul?
Retreats have been life-changing for me.  Through getting away from my daily routines, my work, my family obligations and roles and taking time to be still - I have found my anchors for living.  Being still for a period of time has helped me to listen and has created greater awareness of who I am and what my life purpose is.  To find rest in just 'being' is a profound and life-changing experience and has rooted all 'activities' in greater freedom and joy.

There are 2 retreats coming up on Pender Island in July that I'd like to let you know about - registration cut off is coming up soon so it is time to put your name in if you are interested.....

The first one is:
Creator's Heart

Time and space to create and listen.

July 8^th 7pm - July 11^th 11am                                       

Join with other artists (you can be any kind of artist.....writer, painter, poet, musician...I believe we are ALL artists in some way!!)   on the majestic sea at the Pender Island Lodge for inspiration and time to work on your craft. You will experience a mix of silence, space to create, and time to share your spiritual journey and your art. I will be facilitating this retreat and sharing my from my own journey through story and music. 

We invite you to enjoy this weekend at the MARK Centre in a peaceful and inspiring setting:

• Slowing down to breathe and receive
• Being inspired by the Creator to create
• Tasting times of silence
• Experiencing Group Spiritual Direction as a tool for opening up the inner journey of the heart

Additional Opportunities:

• Beautiful ocean and forest walks
• Hiking trails
• Time to watch for sea life
• Exploring the coastline by canoe or kayak

The second is:

Summer Silence for Women

A week to feast on silence and rest.
July 11^th 4pm – July 15^th 11am                                   
Come and linger over some quiet days by the sea. Watch the whales and seals play, listen to the crashing waves, savour the tastes of home cooked meals, and feel your heart come alive as you give yourself time and space to be. During your five days by the sea, you will be guided into silence interspersed with thoughtfully led group sessions and individual spiritual direction sessions.  Lorie Martin and Evy Klassen and myself will be your hosts for this silent retreat at the Pender Island Lodge.

We invite you to enjoy this week by the sea in a peaceful and inspiring setting:

• Slowing down to listen, reflect and receive
• Giving attention to God’s active presence
• Being renewed and energized through the practice of silence
• Experiencing Spiritual Direction as a tool for opening up the inner journey of the heart

Additional Opportunities:

• Beautiful ocean and forest walks
• Hiking trails
• Time to watch for sea life
• Exploring the coastline by canoe or kayak

For more information or to register, please go to

http://www.markcentre.org