my real appointment today.....thank you

Today there was a moment
that surprised me
unexpected encounter
pause
breathe
be aware
be awake
give thanks

I was in a new doctor's office
and waiting for my name to be called
an elderly woman sat two chairs over
and started to talk

elderly woman:  have you been here before? this is my first time
me: (I don't feel like chatting....)  yes, my first time

elderly woman:  I think it feels nice in here
me: mmmm ( remember I don't feel like chatting)

elderly woman:  I think the staff here are very pleasant
me:  hmmm hmmm

elderly woman: I'm learning to live alone
pause
I soak in her words.....'I'm learning to live alone'

I have a moment inside of me where I transition from....'please stop talking to me' to - 'Cathy, wake up.....be awake, be aware'..... and I feel a shiver go through my body -

I turn and gaze into this face beside me......

me:  what happened?
elderly woman:  my husband died 2 years ago.  We were married 52 years.  I'm alone now.

me:  Did you have any children?
elderly woman - pain shooting across her face: yes, I had five sons.  They all died.
me: gasp
elderly woman:  yes, 2 died in car accidents, one died in a boating accident and 2 died of muscular dystrophy.

elderly woman - with a loving look in her face:  are you married?
me:  I'm alone too.  I'm learning to live alone for the first time. My marriage has ended.
elderly woman:  sometimes things need to end.  sometimes it is better.
me:  silence.....deeply listening

elderly woman:  you know, I could give up on life.  I know a woman, she gave up.  She couldn't face being alone and so she just sat in her rocking chair every day.  Now she is in the psyche ward.  I get afraid too, afraid of being old by myself.  But I choose to get involved.  I'm going to Uganda next week to volunteer! And I volunteer in the community. I've started having 'girls nights' with my friends!  Even though I don't understand all of life, I believe in eternity and everything will be OK.  I know that God is with me, even when I don't understand all the loss.

As she tells me this, I am gazing into her face.  Her eyes become sparkly and bright and she speaks with a 'knowing'.  She is radiant with beauty through her wrinkles and white hair.

I reach into my purse.
I take out a 'Love Shines' CD.

me:  I'm a musician - I want to share this with you.  Thank you for talking to me.

I take her hand.

me: I'm Cathy
elderly woman:  I'm Erna

Reception desk:  Cathy, time for your appointment.

me:  I believe I just had my appointment.